Hello, internet readers, and a good day to you all.  This is the first and probably most cheery entry you will ever see from me, so nice to meet you.

Busy day at work today.  My job started very easy, but now they rely on me to do a lot of shit.  I'm surprised to find that I enjoy it now, but I could definitely see it getting mundane very quickly.

I owe my sanity to a few very generous people, because I like to talk, and those people are willing to listen.  Never underestimate the power of listening, people.  To sit there and genuinely give a person part of your day can help immensely.  I know it works for me, and I try to pay it forward.

I had a very interesting discussion with my father the other day.  A few of my coworkers and I were lamenting the occasional downtrodden treatment we receive.  People can treat as second class, from the combination of the fact that we are the youngest people at our place of employment and the automatic assumption by older generations that we have no respect for them.  My father and I talked it over and I came to two conclusions.

    1. Youths need to realize that we don't know everything.  We are       brought up to assume that our opinions are always valid, when sometimes, we need to shut our mouths and go with the flow.  No one should take shit from anyone else, but knowing one's proper place is just as important.

    2. To my elders, you need to realize that every generation born is smarter than the last.  We may not have the learnedness or experience that you might, but our potential is even greater.  Our youth is not justification for an automatic dismissal of our help, even and especially concerning important issues.  If you want us to lead our people when our turn comes, we will need some practice.

That's all for today, and Jimmy Carter is one of the greatest human beings alive, so there. :D
 

Discussions with various people have instilled two beliefs in me.  First, just like Revenge of the Nerds states, there are a lot more nerds than there are any other group of people.  Second, every major facet of mainstream entertainment was either given life or raised to fame by nerds.  Computers, the internet, music, television, gaming of all kinds.  And those nerds brilliant enough to have done as such deserve more credit than they could ever hope for.

Embrace your fellow nerds.  Give nerds their due.  We make the world turn.

I have seen way too many people pushed to the wayside because they just don't have the will.  I've always been choosy about my friends, and by damn, they have good qualities, most often more than I do.  Stand up and show yourselves for who you are.  You are angels in human skin and need to see that.  There's a specific someone I'm thinking of...yeah, you know who you are, oh timid listener of Daft Punk.

Ah.  Today is the day all the women in my family get together to eat, drink beer, and make tamales.  Hehehe, my father and all my uncles are strong, thick armed, wide shouldered, hard-working mexican men.  My mom and my aunts can drink them all under the table.  I am instructed to stay out of the way for now.  I suppose male influence on the situation would only cause friction.  But whatev.  Though, I did have to pick up the alcohol tab, so I think I'm due something.

Damnit.  I hate this crap.  I only took 8 friggin units so I could handle work and school easier, and every night I'm bogged down.  I wanna hit something.  President Bush, please come here for a minute   Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, you get in line. :D  If it wasn't for you morons, I might be able to afford a better university.

Its been a rough day.  I have too much homework, my supervisor was a nag, and my girlfriend is pretty much out-of-commission for the next three days while she helps her grandmother come home from the hospital.  I've offered to help, but her mom don't like me that much. ;D  And most of my other friends are buried in finals, so I only have my internet friends to console me.  A special shout out to Karen, Katie, and Anna.  You ladies keep me sane as I drudge through life.

There is bad.  There is cheesy.  There is really fucking stupid.  And then, there is this guy.  This guy is desperate for a girl.  He tries to charm his way to her heart, using pedantic language and trying to act MYSTERIOUS!  He then gets frustrated and tries to bash this girl's guy so that he sounds better.  And then when she gets pissed, he doesn't understand and he gets hurt and he thinks the world is set against him.  Boo fucking hoo, champ.  Subtle references to your love and hints that you want "to hold her" don't fucking work.  You be yourself and tell the woman you love her.  If she doesn't love you back, you deal with it.  Either you can be friends, or its done.  Go home, cry yourself to sleep, and get over it.

Maybe I consider myself too manly.  Maybe its simply that I'm stubborn.  Or I could be right.  But pain is only temporary.

To you, and yes, "you" know who you are.  This isn't right.  Nightly I watch you tear yourself apart for something that isn't worth it.  You've been burned.  We all have.  Love isn't devoid of pain and sacrifice.  But Life isn't either.  If you've valued the bond we share at all, if ever you did, promise me this:  rise beyond this.  There is no pain in this world worth the destruction of one's soul and body.

A priest I know once told me that light fears darkness.  When light tries to shine, it sees only the void it enters.  But darkness fears light even more.  Light is the only thing that can destroy the darkness.  Do not hide your light in fear, fear of loss, fear of moving forward, fear of leaving behind what could have been.

It will work.  You will be okay.  And we will be here with you.

It feels good to help people.  To be there when a friend needs you.   My advice for today is to stay in school and live life.  And don't worry, I'll try make those last three sentences tie in together.

Point 1: I'm 20.  I'm not exactly a seasoned veteran of this world.  But I've experienced a lot of shit.  Good and bad relationships, true love and flings, disappointment and causing disappointment, taking a beating for what I believe and handing out beatings in defense of those I care for.  I've been robbed at knife point.  I've stolen from a video game store.  I was betrayed by a girl who I was convinced loved me.  I lied to my parents and cost them $16,000.  All in all, I've been around the block once or twice.  This helps when talking to someone important.  I've lived a varied life, so when they ask me what I think about an issue or if I can help them, I have a foundation to give them what they want.  Get out and live your lives, so that your many good and bad experiences can help your comrades do the same.

Point 2: I value education.  Partially because you don't get success without it and partially because such values was drilled into me since I was little.  Knowing history, knowing science, knowing math, knowing literature, and even getting hooked on phonics does wonders.   If you are smart, people know it and look to you for leadership and help.  Don't let it inflate your ego though, cause no one likes following a prick.  Just learn shit so when you get asked a question, you don't have to twiddle your thumbs and curse the day you should have taken that math final.  Education helps your general knowledge, improves your people skills, and alters your way of thinking in order that you might see the world for what it is.  And those are good things.

Lesson: Reach out and touch someone.  Just make sure they can't sue you for it.

I'm a nerd.  I'm not very attractive.  While I am educated and can handle an intellectual debate like I was born to do it, I fumble through asking women out like a quarter back whose hands are covered in vicks vapo rub.

I have now been confessed to by three women in one week.  All three have said they love me.  None of these women are my girlfriend.  I suppose once I would have looked at someone in my situation and said "wow, he's a lucky punk."  But there is little good from this.  How can I reciprocate the feelings? I have a true love, who in fact loves me.  As I write this, I wonder, "this isn't supposed to happen to bums like me" and all I can think about is who I can't stop from hurting.

I am sorry to you three angels, but I cannot and will not do anything to change that.  The three of you are some of my closest friends.  I can see the pain I cause in the rejections I must give out.  Please, don't tear yourselves up because of me.  I have never been worth it.

 

 

And to Karen.  Thank you.  thank you, and thank you again.  I will always stand with you.  If you need anything, you need only to ask.