Few people understand its meaning.  It means that when I want to cry, when I'm hurt, when I just don't care, all I can do is laugh.

I'm sorry I'm not the quiet, shy, handsome, dark skinned little whelp you always wanted.  I'm a cold, manipulative, angry, big, nasty looking white dude who doesn't have a problem with authority because I don't care about authority.

Its really ironic that I get a lecture from you about being careful around women because they want the "impossible" combination of a tough yet sensitive guy, when you want me to be strong, decisive, and independent, yet sitting on a short leash and completely submissive to your needs and will.

Am I complaining?  No, I'm well past that stage.  I don't even care anymore.  Don't you see that I'm just waiting out your little storm of rage until things calm down again?  Don't you see I'm the only one in this family who doesn't give a shit anymore when you get angry?

I'm arrogant, stubborn, and presumptive.   Hmm...I wonder where I got that from?

And of course, now that I have a girlfriend and social life you actually know about (and believe me, the only reason you know about her is because I'm serious about her), all of my problems and yours are because all I can think about is seeing her, because in your head she's got me wrapped around her finger and I'm just the idiot you've come to disdain.

I'm not challenging you, you paranoid old fool.  I'm not making things up about what you said or what I heard, I'm not taking advantage of you in your old age.  You're 63.  You're getting old.  And despite the fact that you look ten years younger than that, you're freaking out and blaming everyone else for these issues.

All in all, you're a good man.  And a man that I look up to.  But everyone's got their issues and these are yours.  You'll never read this, because when it comes to technology, watching you trying to figure out the internet or computers is like watching a retard hump a door knob. So why am I writing this?  Because I need an outlet, and for all of your good qualities, you've never, ever been the kind of dad I can go to with my problems.

And all I can do is laugh. 

 

 

 

You must read this comic.  It is vedy, vedy good.  Google the name cause I'm to lazy to make a link.

Its rare that a web comic makes me feel for the characters, but when you find yourself cheering for an AnthroPC and knowing what an AnthroPC is (GO PINTSIZE!!!), you'll know what I mean.

 

 

Please.  Please.  If you are fat, do not wear shirts that show any of you belly, especially tube tops and tight, tight shirts that reveal and accentuate any and all rolls of lard you possess.  Its disturbing to look at, and there aren't enough chubby chasers to warrant that kind of outfit.

Now, some of you might be saying "You filthy hypocrite!  You weigh 250 lbs!"  Yes, I am overweight.  But not obese and I wear clothes that tone it down.  I don't need to show people my stretch marks, and neither do you, fatty.  Truth be told, there is nothing wrong with being fat other than possible health implications for you.  But it becomes disgusting to see someone try to pretend to be something they aren't, especially in such a visual way.

Fin. 

Its 9:40 as I start typing this, and man, today sucks.

 

First the minor stuff: the movie I'm downloading should have finished 12 hours ago, but my sister cut off the internet connection and it won't be done for another 30 minutes, which means I'll be too tired to watch the damn thing.

Major: Pre-cal test is tomorrow, I'm not ready for it, and doing the practice is excrutiating.  I can't fucking stand it right now.  Everyone and their retarded cousin is telling me to study, and I don't want to hear it anymore.

Karen's been having a bad day, and my meager attempts to help are more pathetic than useful.  Its morbidly ironic too, in that I'd prefer to sit there with her and just let our shitty day pass on, but you can't really do that over the internet.

I love my family, but they can't help worth a damn.  My mom will be a sympathetic ear, but won't leave me with any solutions or suggestions worth anything  My dad will basically tell me not to be such a pussy.  My brother is at a final and like my sister, wouldn't understand what I'm talking about.

I want to sleep, I want to help, I want help, I want food, I want sunrise, I want sex, I want a friend.  Hehe, its just like Karen said.  You want everything and you can't find the energy to lift a finger.

This sucks. 

Ugh...pre-cal final tomorrow.  Hehe, I've got so much shit to do, and all I want to do is hold Karen.  Things are so much simpler with her.  I don't have to worry about my problems, I just relax.

Here at the office, they want me to reveiw some attorney's opening statement, and I've explained to them I need to leave no later than 3, but they say to come anyway.  My ego is a little stoked that they would ask me to do that, but at the same time, I'm fuckin' leaving at 3, regardless of any cries for further assistance.

Day in and day out, its the same thing.  If I'm not buried with work here, I'm buried with work from school, or I have more damn chores.  I bought F.E.A.R two weeks ago, and I haven't even had the chance to really play yet.  I've got a hundred voices calling out for my attention and they aren't the kind of people you can just tell to shut up.

xD  I get off the phone with Karen during my break this morning, and I walk towards the metal railings and I punch it absent mindedly.  When I was in high school, my defensive line/linebacker coach would have us punch things to toughen up our hands, and now I like to do it at random, to test my endurance.  Don't call me a meathead, because I'm educated and odds are I can talk you into believing your grandmother is gay, and if she is in fact gay, that she's only pretending.   I value physical and mental strength equally for the following reasons:

1) Brute strength means nothing against a perfectly laid trap

2) Mental strength means nothing when getting your face pounded in

Anyway, I punch the railing, and I get this look from the security guard.  Its this older woman who wears too much makeup and you wonder why they would even hire the poor thing to defend a lemonade stand, much less the Court of Appeals.  She's pretty much terrified of me, although again, that may have been exaggerated by the makeup, and I just laugh and keep walking.

Hehe, I wish I had a nickel for everytime that happened: I do something that makes someone think I'm crazy and all I can do is laugh.

In other news, last night I tried to explain to my sweetheart of a girl about my dark and terrible fantasies of war.  D:  I play and write story for some very violent and brutal science fiction and fantasy settings, and while she said she was curious to understand what I liked, I'm fairly certain I weirded her out.  Yeah, she's a nerd, but I'm a HUGE nerd (in more ways than one) and she is a doll for putting up with it.

Hehe, even though I love her like no one else, its still difficult and a little embarassing to explain that nothing is cooler to me than a superhuman warrior going toe-to-toe with a giant demonic war beast, both of whom are surrounded by corpses of enemies they've slain.

Brutal? Yes.  Violent?  Yes.  Scary? Yes.  Cool?  Very.

And again all I want to do is hold Karen. (^)-(^) 

 

 

A tad cheesytastic, yes.  Ambiguous enough to allow the show to continue with any affordable storyline, yes.  Disappointing, yes.

The epsiode wasn't bad.  People got shot right and left, Hiro was cool and whatnot, but I was hoping for something that would pop, something that wouldn't be so cliche.  But hey, that's why I don't watch TV much anymore, right?

In other news, I've entered into a new guild (considering situation with my old one, there would plenty of "awkward turtles" for my girl if she or I stayed, and she doesn't need that).  I've only met the new group once, but they seem really cool.  Funny as hell (in a manner similar to Karen) and the guild leader enjoys e-humping everything that moves.  They were really enjoyable, at least for that first day, and hopefully we've got a good guild wars home to stay in for now.

It really sucks that I can't do this stuff more often.  I spend all day working or in school, I get home late, have to clean and do chores, workout so that my eating habits don't ruin my body completely, and so many of my e-friends I don't get to see because of time constraints, and all Karen gets is a broken, exhausted shell of me who won't shut up about sex or making intentionally bad jokes.

Hehe, how is it that I can lead such a busy and boring life?

On a side note, I'm thinking of double majoring in geology and theology now.  The dinosaurs and the world's religions have always been interests of mine, and now I have even more reason because of that $30 million museum that doesn't believe in evolution and shows T-rex chicks playing with human children in loincloths.  Wow.  I'm a very religious guy (albeit my own interpretations) but seriously.  There's faith and then there is moronic ignorance.

Hehe, they wonder why we drive fast.  Have you ever felt it?  The roar of the engine in front of you?  The feeling of control under your feet?  The smooth spin of the wheel?  Effortlessly gliding in between slower cars?

Although, unless you understand the machine around you, you shouldn't be allowed to touch it.

Alright, I have a bit to say to a few people whose names will be left out for privacy, but titles will be included so you know who you are

my girlfriend: I'm doing everything I can not to act like a giddy idiot.  You make me as happy as I've ever been.  And I plan to return that feeling a thousand fold.  May I have this dance, my princess?

my long distance friend: I've been a prick, and I apologize.  I can't reciprocate your feelings, nor can I have an intimate relationship over that kind of distance.  Understand that I made this decision because of my wants and needs, not because there is anything wrong with you.  You know in your heart I wish you only the best.  I want to be your friend if you haven't decided I'm not worth it.  We'll talk soon.

my "newfound" cousin: I've always wanted to be close to you.  You and I seem to share similar interests and personality traits, and with our recent discovery that we both like Questionable Content A LOT, I hope we can be better friends and cousins.

my other darling cousins, "The Professor" and "The Girl Who Doesn't Play Nice" : The four of us (including the aforementioned cousin) should still plan on getting together for lunch.  We all work in LA and I'm closer to you ladies than anyone but my own siblings.  For that matter, I consider the three of you nothing less than sisters.

 

In other news, I'm swamped with work and wondering why I'm here at the computer because it will probably make someone mad at me ^_^

 

 

As soon as I let go, I wanted to hold you again. I wanted to see your pretty face, I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to savor the moment as if it were our last. But its not. We have time, and a chance for many happy moments together. I love you.